I Do Not Know What Love Feels Like

I do not know what love feels like… Is it how they show it in the movies?
Do you really stay up all night talking – and if not
Tossing and turning while you think about them?

I do not know what love feels like
But I can tell I felt something in my being when
We clicked through those springtime conversations
Soon after I thought I’d never again feel anything

Is love only about expensive things for presents?
Flowers, chocolates, diamond rings and what not
‘Cause all I wanted was to get you chicken, I know that’s your favorite food in the world
Could it be what love feels like? Is it in the simple things? Who can tell?

Remember our first date when I saved you that chicken steak?
How about the time you breathed out of relief that one time because I was no longer in pain?
My favorite memory is that bad lunch we had that one time, because that’s when I suddenly realized
I had never felt happier sharing a meal with someone
I do not know what love feels like
But I felt something when I realized you cared
That one late night I was out in the pouring rain and you were worried for me

In my head I was already taking trips with you, taking night journeys on a bus
To the ocean where you said you had never felt more at home
Hand in hand, I couldn’t wait until we finally could take a walk on the beach
Maybe lay underneath the stars while the majesty of the night unfolded in front of us
I do not know what love feels like
But I wanted you to be happy, and I wanted for us to feel that happiness together

Does love feel happy? Does it feel good?
Are you giddy when you feel it? Butterflies in the stomach?
I remember putting my chin on your shoulder when I was overcome with a wonderful, warm feeling
I do not know what love feels like
But I swear I felt something when you said to me, “This must be what it feels like to meet the one”

You told me that your heart was broken, you were cold and distant
But that talking to me somewhat made you feel like the happy self you once were
Previous heartbreaks and rejections, I’ve faced them too
Promised myself I wouldn’t get into similar debacles again
And yet, there you were, telling me you wanted to kiss me on the stairs we sat that evening
And there I was, longing to lay my head on your chest and listen to your heart beating
I do not know what love feels like
But hearing the words “You make me happy too” made me feel like the fall might be worth it, just this once

You were my favorite distraction; I was your favorite person for a while
You were there to listen when I had my bad days, as well as about my little triumphs
And I was happy for you when the sun shone bright out, but also grew worried when days were gloomy
And only you know that I mean it in both a figurative and a literal way
And while you love sunshine and I love gloomy, dark skies
Think you ended up loving the rain a little, too, didn’t you?

I do not know what love feels like
But I didn’t want the wonderful feelings to turn into painful ones
We both, however, talked about keeping all possibilities in sight
And promised we would always be honest with each other, no matter what we’re feeling

And so, with time, when what I was feeling only grew stronger
I saw you getting distant, little by little
I had this sinking feeling in my heart when you were sad and depressed for weeks
Could it have been something I did? I started pondering over what I could do to make you feel better
I was willing to do whatever it took – Be there for you, give you space, whatever you needed
And the day I told you, “Baby, you take all the time you need to feel better, I am here for you, and I understand”
Was the day you told me, “I’m sorry, but I don’t feel the same way I used to”

I tried to go to sleep that night, but I kept waking up from night terrors
For when morning came, I knew I won’t be waking up to your text that I got so used to
I do not know what love feels like
But in the coming days, I wanted all the feelings to come to an end
Because all I wanted was for us to be happy
But I did not imagine my wishful thing would cost me so much

Should I have tried harder? I think you would agree that I tried my best
Was it you who didn’t give us a fair chance? Who’s to say?
I do not know what love feels like
But I’d like to think we could have been happy together
Sadly, I understand I can’t make you stay, because you can’t force feelings
And I’d never want you to stay ‘cause you feel obligated
I wanted you to stay because I hoped you also felt all those things I felt

All I hope now is that you find happiness
And that you feel things too, things that I did
But I really hope they last for you the next time, and that your feelings are reciprocated
As for me… I think I’m going to live; perhaps even be okay at some point
Mostly hoping I don’t give into another debacle like ours ever again
Because I do not know what love feels like – and who’s to say if I ever will
But this bittersweet rollercoaster of feelings, I’m beginning to question
Whether it’s worth it to always end up feeling cripplingly lonesome in the end.





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